Resources and Response to Covenant Elementary School Shooting
A note from our Director:
It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. Our Nashville community, and the rest of the country, is processing the school shooting that occurred at the Covenant School here in Nashville. Over the past three days, I have met with our families, focused on providing support and therapeutic intervention in the aftermath of Monday’s tragedy.
At Child and Family Therapy Collective, we support evidence-based research, backed by science, to guide our interventions for your children. We believe that children deserve a full, safe and vibrant childhood. In our efforts to help children access their full childhood, we will continue to advocate for safe schools for our children to play and grow. As an evidence-based practice, we also believe that evidence-based policy should be used by our government with the goal of building a safer world. We will continue our advocacy and promotion of the use of evidence-based practice to promote the well-being of individuals and families.
Below you will find resources and guidelines to use when speaking with children about school shootings or another crisis event.
Parents and caregivers:
I encourage you to protect your comsumption of news and information from the community. There will be many stories to hear, friends to console, and fear. Become aware of when and how you choose to consume; it can be helpful to schedule a time in the day during which you respond to others, consume media to help preserve your energy and to be preserve the ability to be present with your kids at the end of the day. You are allowed, even encouraged, to turn your phones off to be with your family at times.
As parents and caregivers, you might manage the aftermath of the school shooting differently than another family. This is okay and there are ways to increase safety among your children in the community. Keep your family values in mind as you move through this time with your children. Consider the boundaries that you have, your resources and supports in the community.
It is common to feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable when speaking with children about such difficult content. Below you will find considerations to help you navigate and create emotional safety for yourself and your children.
Telling a child about a school shooting or another traumatic event:
1. Create a Safe Space
In a safe, calm and familiar environment, find connection with your child. Turn off the TV and any other distractions. Let your child know that they can talk to you about anything and that you're there to listen.
2. Be Honest and clear
Tell your child that age-appropriate information about the event, in this case the Covenant school shooting. Explain that there was a shooting at the school, but avoid providing graphic details. Use simple language and answer their questions as truthfully as possible.
3. Follow the child’s lead
Provide information slowly allowing the child to react to the information. Follow their lead to avoid overwhelm. When the body is taking in too much information at once, it can become overwhelming. We want to support a child to receive information calmly and in safety. Follow the child’s lead with what content you share.
If a child is asking questions that you are unsure about or asking about information that is not age appropriate, you can set a boundary like this, “I will tell you everything you need to know. Some details are for adults and some information is for kids and adults.”
4. Validate Their Feelings
It's normal for children to feel scared, confused, or sad after a school shooting. Let your child know that it's okay to feel these emotions and that you understand how they're feeling. Validate their feelings with a reflection of what they are saying or meeting them where they are verbally.
If a child is not sure what they are feeling, you can offer some potential emotion words and say “I feel sad that people were hurt. Do you feel sad, worried, scared or something else?” Modeling emotion identification is helpful to building this skill for our children.
5. Provide Reassurance
Let your child know that you are there to protect them and keep them safe. Reassure them that school shootings are rare and that schools have safety measures in place to keep students and staff safe. Answer the questions about safety that you can. If you do not know an answer, avoid making up an answer to avoid confusion.
6. Encourage Questions and Discussion
Encourage your child to ask questions and express their feelings. Listen to their concerns without judgment or criticism. Offer empathy, support, and understanding. If you child is having a lot of worry, schedule “worry time” and 1:1 connection time at the same time each day. This provides structure to provide structure and a framework on when questions will be answered.
7. follow up
After you have told your child, if they have questions at a later date or time, you can return to conversation. Safety in speaking about tragic and difficult events is often ongoing. Create a plan about when and where you will check in about how they are feeling. This can be as simple as telling your child, “I will check in and see how you are feeling about this at dinner time. You are always allowed to ask me questions if you hear something at school.”
Resources
Helpful links and additional information:
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network - School Shooting Resources
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network - Talking to Children about the Shooting
Child Mind Institute - How to Talk to Kids About School Shootings
Child Mind Institute - Helping Kids Cope with Frightening News
Child Mind Institute - Signs of Trauma in Children (helpful to understand what might be a normal response and what might need more long term intervention with professional team)
Evidence-based video learning and Books:
Child Mind - Healthy Minds Project Video Series
When I Feel Scared
The Rabbit Listened
A Terrible Thing Happened
Once I Was Very Very Scared – children’s book for young children
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network has developed resources to help children, families, educators, and communities navigate what they are seeing and hearing, acknowledge their feelings, and find ways to cope together. These resources include:
Helping Youth After a Community Trauma: Tips for Educators ( En Español )
Coping After Mass Violence : For Adults
Helping School-Age Children with Traumatic Grief: Tips for Caregivers ( En Español )
Helping Teens with Traumatic Grief: Tips for Caregivers ( En Español )
Helping Young Children with Traumatic Grief: Tips for Caregivers ( En Español )
Guiding Adults in Talking to Children about Death and Attending Services
After the Injury —website for families with injured children